Monday, October 20, 2008

blocks and chambers

i aorta tell you that it enters my right atrium at the speed of a kun tao masters elbow entering a stack of cinder blocks. they collapse. i collapse before it gets to my right ventricle.

shallow i breath letting it filter through my lungs. the wind has been knocked out of me. as i fall i realize that i am not hurt... i have fallen many times before. i lay under the moon and air is essential, but it now seems that this is more of a necessity now. this time i am numb to any pain. this time appears reckless, i built my cinder blocks rather alpine... maybe for protection, maybe to get noticed, maybe so if i did crack i would still have some at the bottom that would be untouched.

yet the force is so strong and precise. they don't crumble, but merely break as if having viscous properties. maybe i built my blocks big for bigger expectations. i hear the quick crash. it is something i have never heard. i don't know what the sound of settling sounds like... though i have heard the white noise around it. i could never quite tune in pristine. and i never will. i saw a guy crying on a curb today, he must have been the settle-ee. it made me think. was it he who had his elbow in pain and blocks in tact. or did he too watch them crumble in a million little pieces. was it his goal to have them broken?  at times we are all a glutton for punishment.  sabotaging ourselves.  being with the wrong people and knowing it.  i don't know, i just hope i don't share his same fate.

walls are good for alot of things. not good for blocking the flow. all i hear is the sound of making brownies. sweet with many nuts. euphoria tingles my body as the enriched make it to the left atrium. and there i realize that it takes shelter in the largest most important chamber... from the left ventricle it circulates all over my body. i quiver knowing that it is my heart now. my heart that controls my every move. my every action. my every thought. it has made it. it has transformed me with feeling. i am alive and well. i dont care that i am wearing it on my sleeve... it is everything i have ever wanted everything i have ever wanted to feel.

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