Thursday, October 2, 2008

and how

i sit here naked in my towel, stroking these lettered keys in reflection. i ignore the fire sirens blaring at the apartment building next to mine... in fact i smile because now i cant hear the obnoxious thump of so called music that was beginning to make my right eye twitch.

"it's only sinning if you are religious."   that's what my father always used to say.  well.  I think morals are bigger than religion.   and I think Americanized karma is more real than confession and hail mary's combined.  karma is only a bitch if you are...  just saying- a good ole fashioned pimple on the ass...  that's the best repentance as far as I'm concerned.  and maybe it is the conscious recognizing bad things in your life and connecting to bad behavior. but who cares, really.  do onto others how you want to be treated, not how they treat you.  because, if it is an eye for an eye, the whole world will be blind.  simply put, just be good to your life so your life can be good to you.  basically.   I mean.  my dad pretty much had an affair with karma...  and now, he is forever asleep.  I know how horrible that sounds.  I really do.  but he was so miserable with his decisions.  ones he couldn't take back.  ones he couldn't change.  sometimes it is just too late.  sometimes once the magician reveals his tricks, the magic is lost forever.  and no matter how good he became.  he was stuck in his misery.  and i felt like his life no longer held magic.  i mean.  there were good times.  but his eyes, even through the good held onto sadness.  I am fortunate to have seen the good in him before he past.  I was proud of him for everything he went through.  proud of him for fighting. I thank buddah, god, krishna, jesus, karma, the universe, mother nature.  whoever.  just.  I thank whoever for that.  for being able to see the good in him before he left me.  and I also understand why he past away.  he is free now. and I have to believe somewhere, there is value in that too. funny how things hurt like hell while experiencing them.  but looking back, we find peace.  and with this peace.  nothing can bother me.  not right now anyway.  even bathing in my own stress...  I still feel the magic of this world.  and try to be good in it.  for everyone.  but mostly, me.  because butt pimples are pretty undesirable.  

going to just lay back.  close my eyes.  let the sirens subside and when the vibrations return from next door...  let them carry me to dreamland.

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