You know, I've always labeled you as my soul mate. Even though after you left, I made myself believe it wasn't meant to be. As if we would somehow ruin it... you know, the memory of us. Our distance keeps it pure in its grandeur. I told myself that people aren't suppose to end up with their soul mate... the dizziness in our flesh radiates down into our bones to remain tucked away safely. Similar to how physicist tell us if we were to come in contact with our "anti" selves in the universe, our existance would implode from a touch. if we were to actually be together it would somehow kill us, the coexistence in real life would run our perfect story to the grave. And who would want that? You were my first love. A young love. The perfect summer fling. You are a wish holding a coin in the pond. You are my moon in the sky... I can't touch you, but I know you will always be there. I feel you were put in my life to shake me up just enough to believe in love so i keep chasing that feeling for the rest of my life... how fitting to be on opposite coasts. I have always felt you as a huge part of who I am. Even when I move from chapter to chapter. I have never stopped thinking about you. I will always think of myself as the female version of you... even if I am living in a different dream.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Friday, July 26, 2013
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I used to think I was a bird. And I can feel I am getting my wings back. But for the past year I have been a crab. I have let someone get the best of me. Let manipulation morph me into a crab. Crabs simply cannot give birth to a bird. I wanted more for My son. Wanted him to be free. Like I used to be at one time. Like i am returning to now. It just saddens me I have wasted a year with this hard carapace and snapping claws.
let go woman, let go
think with your brain dear just this once. you have been fooled, decieved, and all the signs point in the other direction. but you love him. he can be a liar, a thief, he may flirt and talk to many women. but he loves you. he cant help it. wake up woman. you deserve more. something that can grow. something real. something that can be created and everstrong. why cant you let go. your future will be grimm. your sons future compromised. doesnt he, your son, your world, if not you... deserve more? you say it is not affecting him. the fighting. the misery. the lies. the attitude. the distraction. it does. and you know it. deep down. stop being selfish. stop being loyal to the wrong people. open your heart to someone worthy. someone light hearted. someone who will treat you like you deserve. a princess even. and be a good role model. you know the signs. they are all there. you know if you just let go you will be free to be happy. free to love and let love. pay attetion to hats and cornfields. they are telling you that you can. be strong. hold your head up. he may love you. but not in a way that is best. not a way that is true. not in a way that is right. let go woman. let go. go be happy. let your heart dance with the trees.