twelve times shit

i have only ever been a lifeguard. royalty high upon a throne. only to be thrown. fallen like my mema reaching for the blinds. a blind person would stumble in my renovations. trip over the fridge centerpiece. try to reach inside to find my inner peace. when will the storm be over? havoc. stress induced ulcers i cannot cure with self stimulation. and o how that is my medicine, my escape from this reality i call life. dwelling on the cenozoic i don't have time to live anymore. i just want an old stump to sit apon and ponder. am i a dull lady? a dull mommy? a dull child? a dull sister? a dull lover? a dull friend? am i extinct? run out of instinct? feed on insects like other skinks? my arm pit stinks. Dear lord just make me a bird. I want to fly far far away from here. People who can't change thier lives change their hair.