Wednesday, March 11, 2009

a vulnerable heart

i love, i love so much, i believe in love, i give myself to love...

however, i feel...  to love, is to live life on the edge. it all feels so dangerous to me. i look in the mirror and i see my body pulse. having a heart so big causes such monstrosities. at what point can i tuck it safely away? en-caged. safe from stones and swords.
i stand there vulnerable... gazing, amazed at the steady thud that has engulfed my frame. i feel like i should hide. en-cage myself within these walls. safe from words and truth.
instead i opt for a shelter of eggshells... enough to push any stones or swords away. far away.
at what point will i ever be confident with my heart and not push people away with my jealousy. with my sensitivity. when can i love and let love? when can feel free from fear? i guess i hang onto the thought of nothing in life is guaranteed, especially love. i only know my heart. i can only hope and think it is capable to learn another. i can only hope and think that one day it will be more important than the fear from it.  embrace the process, realize love is initial, and with everything- time, effort and work can give it the longevity to plant that love bone deep in my marrow...  not letting me hide.  you just cant hide from your own skeleton. and that.  that.  making it unconditional.  part of me.  whole.  accepted.  accepting. for when two become one, i will be complete.  so.  loving god above....  please. compliment my psyche with another.  let me feel like it will be ok.  until then. I refuse to be lonely....  for i give my heart to mr. moon.

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